Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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