Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
