i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
