True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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