U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
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Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
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I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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