seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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