he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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