My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
soo... how was my night?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
