he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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