My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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