you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
