As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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