Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
