I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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