We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
