MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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