no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
