if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You've changed since you got that strap on
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
