Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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