I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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