I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
