You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
