Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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