Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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