I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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