I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
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We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
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I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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