New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
