so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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