you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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