SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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