I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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