Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
