you turned your livingroom into a bong?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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