the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
