whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
