??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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