Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
