his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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