is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
