ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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