We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
