my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
