PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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