Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
