have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
