We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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