I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
