Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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