i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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