So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
