Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
