I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
