i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
