the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize