Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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