Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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