Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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