I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
