I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
