is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
