The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
