I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
