I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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