His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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