Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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