you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
