Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
