Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
