If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
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You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
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I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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