**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
