New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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