I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
