Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
