Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize