Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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