Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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