Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
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He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
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idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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