Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
