Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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