But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
